So my friend Michelle lended me a book to read called "The Red Scarf Girl". It's about a young girl/teen's life memory through the Cultural Revolution in China. I liked it, but still like another book that I have previously read better. It's called "Wild Swans" by Jung Chang. This book was about a Chinese family's life journey from beginning of the Cultural Revolution to the end of it, and it crosses through three generations of women in this family: grandma, mom, and the author herself. The fact that her dad was from my home town just brought me even closer to her experience.
I was actually fortunate enough to be born right after the Cultural Revolution, so I did not have to "choose" my parents or Mao. So I didn't quite really understand why my mother was always so angry and pessimistic growing up. Reading these books about stories of her era has explained a lot to me about her since she was born into a "black" counter revolutionist family due to my grandfather was a small officer in Jiang Kai Shek's army before they left main land to Tai Wan. I felt bad that I wasn't more sympathetic toward her before I left China.
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I love you so much, Yan.
Your mom loves you, and no matter what has passed before, you just have to tell her how you feel. Even if it's tough for her to be open and emotional, you making the effort will reach her, though you may not see it. Remember when you first came to live with us? Remember the night you were doing laundry? You were really upset, and I pretty much forced you to let go and show your feelings. You cried then, the first time I'd seen you so upset. Even you were very stoic until we got ahold of you! Of course, that couldn't last too long with the way we are, huh!
By the way, I really miss you.
(Can you tell I'm feeling a bit weepy and sentimental tonight?)
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